Worthless

What a disgusting word. It's painful, it captures your thoughts, and it knocks you down. It takes a lot to pick yourself up. The enemy is good at throwing this in the path while you're walking.
Tonight that word crashed me. I felt worthless, selfish, guilty and captured. It bit me. I broke down. All of a sudden these awful thoughts came into my mind.
"You're a bad wife"
"You only think about yourself"
"You're..not..good..enough"
I know I'm not the only one to hear these words. And I'm not the only one that has ever fallen for them.
But I did.
It captured me and I did nothing but feel like I failed.
But these thoughts captivate us in such a way that we sink our minds in it and there is no way anyone can tell us different . That's because we automatically blame ourselves. We turn to ourselves. But really we should be turning to God! Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
We have the ability to renew our minds--to press the reset button!! God has a good and pleasing will for us!! Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I have a plan for you, declares the LORD. Plans to give you hope and a future! Plans to prosper and not to harm you!!" He has HOPE for us! He has a future! And not one to harm us!! He gave us Jesus Christ to cover every sin! While we were still sinners Christ does for us! (Galatians).
God placed not just a verse on my heart tonight, but a chapter. 2 actually. But so powerfully he spoke out Psalm 139 to me. We were fearfully and wonderfully made!!
He FIGHTS for us! God doesn't want us living lives where we feel worthless or pathetic, selfish or guilty! The other chapter I couldn't get out of my head was proverbs 31. Such and amazing chapter.
As I arrived home I went straight to my room and explained to Jarod that I really needed to spend time with God and as I began to pray a song I heard "child, you are not worthless" how could one not weep over that!!
As my time with God went on, so many things were being revealed.. I have been way too distracted. I have been too busy. I say I have an amazing relationship with God and yet tonight I hungered and I thirsted to be in the presence of God! I want to have that feeling every day!! I don't want to be distracted or too busy to spend some time with my creator! I don't want these worthless thoughts to captivate me! I am so blessed to have an amazing husband that who in my weakness he just takes me into his arms and tells me how much he loves me. That's what God does!! I run to him, and I reach out to him in my time of weakness and he puts out his arms and says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."( Matthew 11:28).
He says ALL of us... All. He wants to take our burdens and give us rest. He wants nothing more than for us to give him everything we have.
God leads us and he guides us. He protects us. He is our refuge and strength. He love is always here. Ps 23 is such an amazing reminder of that.
I am so overwhelmed.. Even when we think we are on the mountain top shouting the name of the LORD, we can find ourself sitting in the valley not feeling like we have the strength to climb the mountain. We don't have the strength to do it on our own. Trust God to take you up the highest mountains.
God knows us and he has nothing but good thoughts about us.. His mercy is great. In the depths of our baggage, our brokenness when we feel like we have nothing left he IS there!! And he is ready for us to run into his arms. He carries us and he leads us. He keeps is safe. That is just so amazing.
For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:30)
I could probably keep this blog going forever but I want to leave a final thought.. Take your burdens to God and leave them at the foot of the cross.

Detours- what way do I go?

Detours--they are everywhere
Sometimes you can't avoid them but when you don't know where you are or how to find your way back on the right track- you may need to use a gps.
I once sat in on a sermon by Francis Chan. He was talking about a GPS, but not in the way of being on the road. But rather as Gods navigational system. That he has this life measured out for us. He has a DESTINATION. He has a destiny. It went on to be a powerful sermon. I have it on audio if anyone wants to borrow it.

How incredible is it though?! Our life is is being navigated by God! But how does a GPS work in your life? You have to press start, right? Otherwise it won't go. Accepting Jesus is your "start." Salvation is the green go button!
When you are a follower and you find yourself getting off the course, what happens?
Does it try to recalculate?
Do you even know what to put in? What address? What about the "home" setting. So where is home? I would say God would be a pretty good input for that setting. There are going to be traffic delays and whatnot but don't get lost!!

So back to a GPS that you put in your car. When you get to driving and you miss you turn, your Gps will say "u-turn" or it will direct you to the next road that can redirect you.
What happens when we go too far in our lives? Better yet, what is too far?
How about when you are given a task, or asked to take on something. All of a sudden, your doing it all yourself, in your own strength, and sometimes going so far over your head that people might not want to be work with you, or be around you. You're left working by yourself.
How about when God opens a door for you and gives you this awesome opportunity? Do you put God in the center of it and really lean on him for it or do you find the glory going to yourself? The awesome thing is even if we take control instead of giving God the control, he will still be there when we realize, "maybe I need to slow down, trust God and rely on him for strength."
We don't nessesarily take a u-turn, but we take the next open road and get back on the right road. It's better to go forward then backwards. When you move on without moving forward your "conscience" will try to direct you. But it is our choice to listen. What destination do you want?
Now that I went through detours, what about distractions? In the driving aspect, how many people will be distracted driving by texting or surroundings? I will be the first one to say, I LOVE reading, and having some time in the quiet. But the reality is, when do I do it? I carry a book with me at all times and I read it quite a bit. I read my bible every morning, but its on my phone. Before I even open up my bible app; I open up Facebook, Pinterest, twitter, email, Instagram, my news apps. So when I finally get to my bible app, my cereals almost gone, my straigtners heated up and it's almost time to go!
So I keep up on Facebook, I follow a bunch of people on twitter and Instagram but really if I am a follower of Jesus Christ, why am I not putting more time into him?
What if Jesus had a twitter, or a Facebook? What would your status, tweets and insagram pictures look like if you knew Jesus was following you?
Well here's the thing.. God isn't your follower but he is by your side all the time. He sees everything you do, and every thought. But most importantly, he knows your heart.

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Proverbs 4:23 NLT)"

So where are you going? What's your destination? Are you going to let detours get you lost or let the GPS re-calculate you into the right direction?

"I'm happy from the inside out, and from the outside in, I'm firmly formed. You canceled my ticket to hell— that's not my destination! Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way. "(Psalm 16:9-11 MSG)

Cravings

This morning at church I gave the offering message and within my message I had an "ah ha" moment. My mentor/youth leader in high school introduced "ah ha" moments to me. It's almost like an epiphany :)

As I was speaking I heard something in my own voice saying "this is good!" God was speaking to me as i was speaking! I allowed the Holy Spirit to be the words I spoke and by goly God delivered! So I want to share with you guys what God spoke I me.

I'll begin with a little bit of story time::

I was in Fort Wayne yesterday and I'm not down here much anymore without something to do. Usually that's Wednesday nights and Sundays.
Now, let me back track a little. Back in the day, I used to live this life where I was a shopper. And I was that shopper that Didn't care about sales and as long as I bought it at the mall I was happy. My bank account was out of wack a lot and sometimes bills were not my first priority. But that's another part of my story :)
Anyways, I was down at Jefferson pointe yesterday and I was using some coupons at a store. Well when I got that, all I wanted to do was buy some boots that were on sale, and then I knew skinny jeans were on sale at American Eagle. So i texted Jarod(knowing he'd say no) and he said no. We have a lot of bills that we need to pay for. All I had to hear was no. But It actually kinda hit me and I got really upset that I couldn't buy anything!! And finally I was mentally smacked myself in the face (but i stilll think God did lol)and said "Mary snap out of whatever this is! You need to be grateful for what you have! As a matter of fact you have more than you need!" And I sat and I said "you're right.. I have more than I need and I am given more than enough on a daily basis."

So. I said sorry to Jarod and I asked God to forgive me for being selfish and as I was driving I said to myself.. I would have offering message tomorrow. I'm speaking about giving and there I went and wanted everything for myself.
I sat in my car and asked God to please show me what he was trying to tell me?!
He revealed to me the story where Paul is writing to the Phillipians an he's saying you know, when I needed help financially, you guys were the only church that reached out to me. And before that he is talking about how the Phillipians were the only ones concerned about him, but he was never fully in need. He goes on to say he has learned to live off of almost nothing. That he figured out how to live on everything from a full stomach or an empty stomach and that is through strength of Jesus Christ.
So I got out my actual bible(as opposed to my bible app) and opened it up. And then I fell upon this verse that really took my shopping craze to a little weeping:

I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ (Philippians 3:7, 8 NLT
WOW! It doesn't matter what it is; compared to Jesus, it's considered WORTHLESS!! It's all garbage! Whoa...

If we craved things for others like we did for ourselves what would that look like?....think about that.

You say, “I am allowed to do anything” —but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial. Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others. (1 Corinthians 10:23, 24 NLT)

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. (1 John 2:15, 16 NLT

So the question is: what are you holding onto that is keeping you from having an even closer relationship with Jesus. What can you do to crave God more?

What good is knowing the will of God if you're not willing to follow it?

What good is knowing the will of God if you're not willing to follow it? Crazy question, eh? So often you hear people talk about how they wish they knew Gods will for their lives. When it comes down to it, how many of you actually sit down and ask God to reveal that to you? Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know that plans i have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future"(NLT). God has PLANS for us!! When i think of a plan, i think of a blueprint. Something written out, already planned. Once we agree to the blueprint, we start building. We have to start from a foundation, and then build on that. It takes patience and you generally can't do it alone. You need extra hands and maybe a manual on how somethings go together. As the building goes on, things start coming together. Its hard, and its frustrating at times, but its something that needs to be finished. My relationship with God is like a blueprint. God has it all pre-destined and planned out. The building begins when we agree and make the CHOICE to say yes to God! It is when we become to allow Jesus Christ to come into our lives and be our Lord and Savior. God is our foundation, and salvation is the ribbon cutting to begin building. It takes time and it takes sacrifice. Yes-there's that word--sacrifice. The act of giving up all we have for God. How much? A small itty bitty part of your life? No. ALL of it! He is asking us to give EVERYTHING to him. Giving him total control gives us the ability to give him our blueprints and say i am willing to do whatever you ask of me. But lets be honest- how hard is that?! Thats waking up every morning and the first thing you say is "Father, God- I give you this day." Is there anyone that stumbles over even asking that? One of the hardest things i ever found myself doing was inviting the Holy Spirit into my life, and allowing God to take control. After doing that, i all of a sudden started seeing and hearing this crazy little word--conviction. All of a sudden, things that i was doing that wasnt in Gods 'plan' and will' were all of a sudden red flagging. Certain people come across different convictions. I will be honest to say mine were certain books and movies that i watched, judging others, and complaining. Having those being pointed out to you was not easy!! Theres a song that says "now that i have seen, i am responsible." Ephesians talks about getting rid of the old, and putting on you new self; creating yourself to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Eph 4:23-24) 

If there is one thing i have learned in this journey, its that i cannot do it alone. God gives me an enormous amount of strength and he has placed the right people in my life at the right time. In church sunday, we learned about accountability. I think that is so important. We need people in our lives that are able to help guide us. I use help as a very strong word. People are used by God to help us. He gives people wisdom and knowledge. I try not to let just anyone pour into me, or speak into my life. It is so important to know who you are allowing to help you with your relationship with God. He will supply those extra hands to be a part of the blueprint. 

Lastly, you need a manual. Its not always common sense to put things together, or find where they go. Sometimes its nice to just have something to go back to as a reminder. The bible is my manual. I carry it around with me everywhere i go. There are some things in my life that happen, and i have no idea what to do or say. My bible is my communication with God, and I will go to that multiple times a day. Luckily, its on my iphone as well. But communication is a two way method. The Bible is one way, and there is something so powerful--thats prayer. Prayer is so mighty and it can move mountains. Through scripture, prayer, and waiting, we have the ability to hear from God. It is so important to be able to discern what is from God and what is from the flesh. It is said in John 10 that "the thief comes ONLY to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have LIFE, and have it to the full." That word only gets me every time. The enemy doesnt come to bring joy and peace; although he might disguise it as that. The enemy comes to destroy. He is not here to bring us life. He comes to bring the exact opposite-death. The thought of that makes my stomach go into my throat. We can so easily become deceived by the enemy, but if we keep our heads up, and keep our eyes on the Lord, the truth will set us free from that!

So--What good is knowing the will of God if your'e not willing to follow it? Are you willing to give up EVERYTHING, and follow Gods will? 

Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing, and perfect will."

I've got something to say

Ok.. So I'm new to this whole blogging thing. I'll start this one out by telling a little about myself and why I want to blog.
I wanted to start blogging because I have a lot on my heart. I have notes and scribbles and messages that I've written. My heart has had so much poured in to it, that I'm ready to pour out and share what God has put in my heart. The title "lets blog" will change. I just needed something to put. :P
I am a teacher. I teach special disabilities at DeKalb Middle School in Waterloo, In. I recently got married and moved to Auburn,In. Turning into a country girl has made me realize how busy I kept myself living in the city. II have been able to drive through the country daily, relax and home, and go to the gym. All places where I meditate on what God is doing in my life. Have you ever taken a drive and decided to turn the radio off and just listen? When I had my old car I got used to cranking the radio just to cover the awful sound it made. So the other night, I was driving home after an event caller Sunago. I was so overwhelmed from worship and testimony. There seemed like there was so much healing. I turned my radio off and I listened. I had to really focus because let's be honest. Driving home late through the country with no music can make you tired. If you've ever asked God to reveal what's in your heart you know the anxiety it can cause. If you've never asked God that.. Prepare yourself! Because what he may reveal to you may not be what you expected. He has a way of surprising me time and time again. But I know what he has is GOOD! I'll get more into that later, but as I begin to go through my notes, scribbles and lessons, I pray that the words I write would be what God has laid on my heart and my voice would be his.
That's just a little intro and I can't wait to see what God would do with it! :)