"It's all in your head"
That's what they told me that night in the ER. "Its all in your head. Your family has some much bad health history that you feel one thing and think the worst." Maybe that's true. Maybe I do worry that my mom had her first heart attack at 33, and I'm sitting here at 31. Maybe I do worry that my whole body feels like pins and needles out of NOWHERE, and I have a roaring headache, while my arm is in pain. Do I panic? I do. Is this something I'm working on? Yes. But not without testing. Lots..of.. tests...
I wasn't happy with walking out of the ER with a script for Xanax, and told the only thing that's wrong with me is I have anxiety. Its all in my head. The panic attacks, the migraines, the constant need for sleep.. That's the new normal, because I have anxiety? I can't accept that. But it's reality. The real reality is how I handle it. Do I let Satan come in and have his way?! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Do I cry out "IN JESUS' NAME!" when I'm in a panic attack because I'm not letting Satan win?! ABSOLUTELY!
I don't want to talk about this, and I didn't intend to. But there's power in testimony. There's power in letting God take control of your life, and your body. Anxiety is something new to me.. OR.. after talking with a friend, its something that I've probably struggled with for awhile, and I just didn't know it. So as I sit here typing this blog, and it's been AWHILE since I've blogged, I am willing to just another part of my messy story.
After a CT scan from one dr, an MRI from another, a diabetic screening test, and a lipid panel from yet..another. This is what came back. You're nowhere near diabetic, but take you can take a baby asprin once a day, and find a counselor. Your CT scan was perfect, how about I send a script for Lexapro over to your pharmacy, and you should find a counselor. (didnt fill the script) Other dr.. "Your MRI was unremarkable, I think Zoloft would help, but I would also say get a counselor" Guess what?! I gave in and tried Zoloft. It increased panic attacks and left me sicker than a dog. So I said ok! Enough! If its postpartum anxiety(which one dr said) then it WILL pass! Until then, I chose to see my OBGYN, since that's more their field. And again, another blood test. Full metabolic panel, vitamin d, thyroid, and vitamin b12. And guess what?! I am dealing with some postpartum anxiety but I also have a HUGE vitamin d deficiency! Which apparently, can cause a whole array of issues. Ever since I started taking 50000iu of vitamin d once a week(will do this for 8 weeks), and a magnesium vitamin at night, as well as using some oils, tingling has for the MOST part, gone away! I still have panic attacks, but I can feel them coming now, and can try to talk myself through it. Yes, through it, not out of it. Not only that, but I have a HUGE support system! Some that have gone though panic attacks, and some who haven't, but have remained by my side. I am ever so thankful that I have an amazing husband who has not only learned to not to listen to me when I tell him to take me to the hospital, but to hold my hand and talk through it with me, and tell me I'm ok, but most importantly, to pray for me.
Listen, this isn't a blog to say, look what I'm going through. This is to say, here is my testimony, and I want to help someone else going through this! Because the majority of panic attacks have happened while I've been driving, I dont always like driving. I get anxious grocery shopping, so I use ClickList, and I pray my drive to work as I diffuse Cheer in my car diffuser that I dont havent a panic attack at work, or let anxiety affect my work day. I have to have enough confidence, and strength to go up and sing in the choir, because THAT gives me anxiety!(hmm, funny that when I'm worshiping the Lord, I feel like I'm under attack.) And above else, I hold on TIGHT to the fact that Jesus Christ will rescue me when I call out his name.That HE gives me that strength! When I first started having the panic attacks a few months ago, I was convinced that my faith wasnt strong enough, and I wasnt spending enough time in the word. That my relationship with God was lacking. That's NOT the case! I'm thankful that even when I'm feeling super anxious and in tears that God rescues me, and gives me my breath back.
I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have Gods hand on me. How I would get through the points where I can't breathe, and my head is going to explode. When I'm driving down the road with both girls in the car, and it comes over me. But every time, he has supplied the right people to be there at the right time. Or my husband who answers his phone while hes at work and has to hear the first thing I say be "Talk me through this babe!"
Through it all, my eyes have stayed on God, and I've heard him say "It is well".
If you're still with me, thank you, and know that if you're someone that struggles with this, I'm hear to talk!
"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you" - 1 Peter 5:7
After a CT scan from one dr, an MRI from another, a diabetic screening test, and a lipid panel from yet..another. This is what came back. You're nowhere near diabetic, but take you can take a baby asprin once a day, and find a counselor. Your CT scan was perfect, how about I send a script for Lexapro over to your pharmacy, and you should find a counselor. (didnt fill the script) Other dr.. "Your MRI was unremarkable, I think Zoloft would help, but I would also say get a counselor" Guess what?! I gave in and tried Zoloft. It increased panic attacks and left me sicker than a dog. So I said ok! Enough! If its postpartum anxiety(which one dr said) then it WILL pass! Until then, I chose to see my OBGYN, since that's more their field. And again, another blood test. Full metabolic panel, vitamin d, thyroid, and vitamin b12. And guess what?! I am dealing with some postpartum anxiety but I also have a HUGE vitamin d deficiency! Which apparently, can cause a whole array of issues. Ever since I started taking 50000iu of vitamin d once a week(will do this for 8 weeks), and a magnesium vitamin at night, as well as using some oils, tingling has for the MOST part, gone away! I still have panic attacks, but I can feel them coming now, and can try to talk myself through it. Yes, through it, not out of it. Not only that, but I have a HUGE support system! Some that have gone though panic attacks, and some who haven't, but have remained by my side. I am ever so thankful that I have an amazing husband who has not only learned to not to listen to me when I tell him to take me to the hospital, but to hold my hand and talk through it with me, and tell me I'm ok, but most importantly, to pray for me.
Listen, this isn't a blog to say, look what I'm going through. This is to say, here is my testimony, and I want to help someone else going through this! Because the majority of panic attacks have happened while I've been driving, I dont always like driving. I get anxious grocery shopping, so I use ClickList, and I pray my drive to work as I diffuse Cheer in my car diffuser that I dont havent a panic attack at work, or let anxiety affect my work day. I have to have enough confidence, and strength to go up and sing in the choir, because THAT gives me anxiety!(hmm, funny that when I'm worshiping the Lord, I feel like I'm under attack.) And above else, I hold on TIGHT to the fact that Jesus Christ will rescue me when I call out his name.That HE gives me that strength! When I first started having the panic attacks a few months ago, I was convinced that my faith wasnt strong enough, and I wasnt spending enough time in the word. That my relationship with God was lacking. That's NOT the case! I'm thankful that even when I'm feeling super anxious and in tears that God rescues me, and gives me my breath back.
I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have Gods hand on me. How I would get through the points where I can't breathe, and my head is going to explode. When I'm driving down the road with both girls in the car, and it comes over me. But every time, he has supplied the right people to be there at the right time. Or my husband who answers his phone while hes at work and has to hear the first thing I say be "Talk me through this babe!"
Through it all, my eyes have stayed on God, and I've heard him say "It is well".
If you're still with me, thank you, and know that if you're someone that struggles with this, I'm hear to talk!
"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you" - 1 Peter 5:7
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