Worthless

What a disgusting word. It's painful, it captures your thoughts, and it knocks you down. It takes a lot to pick yourself up. The enemy is good at throwing this in the path while you're walking.
Tonight that word crashed me. I felt worthless, selfish, guilty and captured. It bit me. I broke down. All of a sudden these awful thoughts came into my mind.
"You're a bad wife"
"You only think about yourself"
"You're..not..good..enough"
I know I'm not the only one to hear these words. And I'm not the only one that has ever fallen for them.
But I did.
It captured me and I did nothing but feel like I failed.
But these thoughts captivate us in such a way that we sink our minds in it and there is no way anyone can tell us different . That's because we automatically blame ourselves. We turn to ourselves. But really we should be turning to God! Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
We have the ability to renew our minds--to press the reset button!! God has a good and pleasing will for us!! Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I have a plan for you, declares the LORD. Plans to give you hope and a future! Plans to prosper and not to harm you!!" He has HOPE for us! He has a future! And not one to harm us!! He gave us Jesus Christ to cover every sin! While we were still sinners Christ does for us! (Galatians).
God placed not just a verse on my heart tonight, but a chapter. 2 actually. But so powerfully he spoke out Psalm 139 to me. We were fearfully and wonderfully made!!
He FIGHTS for us! God doesn't want us living lives where we feel worthless or pathetic, selfish or guilty! The other chapter I couldn't get out of my head was proverbs 31. Such and amazing chapter.
As I arrived home I went straight to my room and explained to Jarod that I really needed to spend time with God and as I began to pray a song I heard "child, you are not worthless" how could one not weep over that!!
As my time with God went on, so many things were being revealed.. I have been way too distracted. I have been too busy. I say I have an amazing relationship with God and yet tonight I hungered and I thirsted to be in the presence of God! I want to have that feeling every day!! I don't want to be distracted or too busy to spend some time with my creator! I don't want these worthless thoughts to captivate me! I am so blessed to have an amazing husband that who in my weakness he just takes me into his arms and tells me how much he loves me. That's what God does!! I run to him, and I reach out to him in my time of weakness and he puts out his arms and says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."( Matthew 11:28).
He says ALL of us... All. He wants to take our burdens and give us rest. He wants nothing more than for us to give him everything we have.
God leads us and he guides us. He protects us. He is our refuge and strength. He love is always here. Ps 23 is such an amazing reminder of that.
I am so overwhelmed.. Even when we think we are on the mountain top shouting the name of the LORD, we can find ourself sitting in the valley not feeling like we have the strength to climb the mountain. We don't have the strength to do it on our own. Trust God to take you up the highest mountains.
God knows us and he has nothing but good thoughts about us.. His mercy is great. In the depths of our baggage, our brokenness when we feel like we have nothing left he IS there!! And he is ready for us to run into his arms. He carries us and he leads us. He keeps is safe. That is just so amazing.
For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:30)
I could probably keep this blog going forever but I want to leave a final thought.. Take your burdens to God and leave them at the foot of the cross.